Marriage Counselling Melbourne

Counselling Marriage 1

Many couples commence Marriage Counselling Melbourne as a last resort to save their relationship before it ends in divorce.  Sometimes one spouse is about to leave, before the other realizes the extent of the problems. Why do couples wait until the relationship is at breaking point before they seek couples therapy  for marriage difficulties?

 

Why do couples have difficulty solving marriage problems without the help of marriage guidance counselling?

Counselling Marriage 2When distressed, partners get overwhelmed by their feelings, so they defend by discharging the pain, often causing their spouse to feel attacked. These defensive reactions are used to ward off underlying feelings.  Married couples become stuck in these defensive reactions and have no way to deal with the hurt. At Counselling Melbourne, married couples find it hard to express themselves, when they fall into these stuck positions, unable to move past issues.

In actual fact, some spouses can get so caught in powerfully charged emotional states, that they can lose grip of themselves, without a marriage therapist to help them see outside these stuck  positions. Marriage counselling in Melbourne assists couples to dismantle these stuck positions, enabling them to resolve issues.

Counselling Marriage Guidance 1

Many couples find it hard to step outside these stuck positions, without the strength of marital therapy to re-align them. From our earliest experiences, we’ve  learnt how to deal with our feelings, in particular ways. But often these coping patterns get in the way of an intimate relationship. It is only with the containment of a marriage counsellor, that these marital issues get worked on, by transforming stuck areas that penetrate the relationship.

John Gottman studied marriage failure, and he found that predictions for divorce stem from raising issues in a negative way, by using criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Let's explore some traps that can cause stuck positions:

What Causes Marriage Breakdown?

Counselling Marriage Guidance 2

  • Avoiding to express how one feels
  • Bringing up issues once it’s built up, so you end up attacking the character of the person, rather than addressing the behaviour
  • Lack of contributing and participating in the relationship
  • Expecting your partner to know how you feel or what you need, without telling them.  Thinking that they can read your mind.
  • Avoiding clear communication
  • The blame game  -  finding fault in the other for the problems
  • Withdrawing from conflict or stonewalling to escape emotions
  • Avoid showing hurt feelings
  • Stop being interested in each other’s lives
  • Forcing ones point of view in order to get heard, without listening to your partner
  • Letting emotions distort the way of seeing each other
  • Holding others responsible for how we feel, instead of owning our feelings and dealing with them within ourselves

Reasons to seek Marital Counselling Melbourne

 Melbourne Marriage Counselling 1When couples remain stuck in these defensive positions they are unable to respond to each other’s needs. John Bowlby studied what happened to children when ones emotional needs were not met, this can be the same for  married couples.  With couples, when ones emotional needs are not responded to, this can lead the partner to protest to try to elicit a caring response in the other, this can be seen as becoming hostile to get a reaction. Then depression or despair is felt, if ones emotional needs are still not met. The last response is detachment or disconnection; many couples enter therapy at this point. If you notice your marriage moving from protest, despair and then onto detachment, then marital counselling can save your relationship in order to prevent divorce. 

With Marriage Guidance Counselling Melbourne, learn how to address the issues in your marriage in order to put your relationship back on track, before it gets too late.

Melbourne Marriage Counselling 2Counselling Marriage 3Counselling Marriage 4

Counselling Marriage Guidance 3For those who feel that marriage problems  stem predominately from individual issues, rather than joint issues, many not to attend couples counselling. These individuals can work through relationship patterns in individual therapy for relationship counselling

Melbourne Counselling for married couples integrates emotionally focused couples therapy, psychoanalysis, attachment therapy and systemic modalities into a coherent framework for treating couples. Our Melbourne's marriage counsellor has specialist post graduate Masters qualifications in treating couples, unlike other treatment modalities that focuses on the individual only.

Before you seek marriage counselling you can check the qualifications that your therapist has specifically in couples work. According to Professor Lawrie Moloney, a former senior researcher at the Australian Institute of Family Studies, more harm can be done by seeing a therapist without specific training in couples therapy, "Quite a few people are willing to work with couples or families without being adequately trained in working with more than one individual".  For more details about how to  find a trained marriage guidance counsellor in Melbourne read http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-08-25/concerns-over-unqualified-relationship-counsellors/8842954

Marriage Counselling Melbourne

Melbourne relationship counsellor

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All content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone.