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Relationship Counselling in Melbourne

Do you struggle to have relationships, and find the same patterns occurring? Relationship Counselling in Melbourne offers individuals the opportunity to unlock relationship patterns that keep them stuck. Some individuals seek individual therapy when they feel that underlying issues are getting in the way of relationships.

Sometimes we are not aware of the part we play in relationships until we notice that certain scenarios keep happening. The truth is, if these patterns do not get resolved in therapy, they keep occurring until the underlying emotions are addressed. 

Relationship counselling dismantles destructive relationship patternsRelationship counselling Melbourne

Many individuals attend relationship counselling in Melbourne when they experience repetitive relationship patterns:

·       They wonder why they hold onto abusive relationships.
·       They wonder why they attract partners who are unavailable..
·       They have difficulties being on their own.
·       They feel disappointed when their partner stops putting effort into the marriage.
·       They keep getting abandoned.
·       Mistrust, insecurity, & jealousy.
·       Controlling and possessive behavior.
·       Fear of commitment  or fear of intimacy.
·       They move on to partners quickly.
·       Passive-aggressive behavior or anger issues .
·       Avoiding conflict.
·       Beginning a relationship in love but ending up bitter and resentful.
·       Cutting off from relationships when the going gets tough.
·       Infidelity to escape problems in the marriage.
·       Lack of emotional intimacy or communication breakdown.
·       Letting others control them.


Why does it feel like they‘re attracting the same relationships? With counselling for relationship issues, many uncover how they re-create these patterns. We may think our partner causes us to feel a particular way, but sometimes these feelings are deep within ourselves. When painful experiences remain buried, they are later relived in our adult encounters. These repressed feelings become triggered in the couple relationship. These feelings often belong to the past but are forgotten, and then later are unconsciously awakened, distorting how you see your partner and relate to them.

A wife might feel her partner does not care about her needs and neglects her, yet she may relive the pattern of not asking for her needs to be met and  then accusing others as not considering her needs. Making others responsible for meeting her needs prevents her from expressing her needs and getting those  needs met. The more we attribute our feelings towards others, the more we do not take responsibility for the part we play.

Defensive relational patterns occur from trying to ward off these feelings or putting them on our partners. All of a sudden, the partner is projected to be the rejecting spouse, and acts accordingly. The more we accuse others or criticise others for things,  the more we are projecting disowned aspects of ourselves on to them. In this example, the husband can be projected to be rejecting, when the wife disowns her fears of rejection. The more we repress our inner feelings, the more they act out in our relationships, by locating the problems in others, rather then addressing these feelings deep within ourselves.

At our relationship counseling services, overcome relationship patterns caused by discharging unwanted feelings onto others, who become affected by them. These feelings are so intolerable that you can lose grip of seeing yourself and your partner when defending against these feelings. Many do not see the impact of their behavior and the destruction it causes, by not sorting out these feelings.

John Gottman describes criticism, blame, defensive and contempt as harsh ways of communicating that destroy relationships.  These defensive patterns protect against the underlying feelings, yet they create barriers to understanding each other. It is the way that couples deal with each others emotions that builds a strong foundation or not. Being heard for how one feels, when expressing ones ‘self’, is imperative for a strong relationship. Couples who continually dismiss their partners feelings, can actually push them away from opening up and get close, causing them to gradually distance from the relationship.  No one likes to feel ignored for how they feel, it brings up pain and feelings of rejection. Couples can end up finding other avenues to be heard or validated. Attuning to each other feelings, understanding and acknowledging them, will foster deeper intimacy.

Build a stronger foundation for your ‘self’ by resolving underlying issues with relationship counselling in Melbourne

At Melbourne’s relationship counselling services, most relationship disturbances stem from individuals protecting themselves from facing difficult feelings because they cannot handle them. They may run away from issues in their marriage, discard partners when they feel hurt, or cling to a partner to avoid abandonment. These ways of avoiding feelings can sabotage their relationship, leaving them no way to address the problems in their relationship.

In fact, avoiding underlying feelings and resorting to defensive coping strategies causes the ‘self’ to remain impaired. A healthy sense of self is when a person can be in touch with their feelings and express them in a way that fosters a deeper understanding or connection. A unhealthy sense of self occurs from avoiding feelings,  creating destructive patterns in the marriage. For instance, many resort to affairs to escape feelings of not being good enough. Relationship therapy allows individuals to manage unwanted emotions so defensive patterns do not get in the way of having a relationship. When the self is more cohesive, they can openly express feelings and negotiate needs to their partner. When one can effectively work on their ‘self’, they can offer a relationship what it really needs for the partnership to be cohesive and whole.

Counselling for relationships promotes intimacy

Relationship counselling services in Melbourne can assist individuals to rebuild the ‘self’. Relationship therapy manages unwanted emotions, allowing the ‘self’ to become cohesive and cope with triggering encounters. Psychotherapy allows individuals to see themselves and others more clearly so they can relate in a more attuned way.

At Counselling in Melbourne, discover how the coping responses that protect us from pain can end up working against us in our present relationships. Relationship counselling dismantles these defensive coping styles so true intimacy can develop.

Contact Counselling in Melbourne for our Relationship Counselling Services

Please call: 0449 861 147 or use the quick consultation form.

All content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone

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