Counselling for couples avoiding conflict in Melbourne

Many couples mistakenly think that avoiding conflict allows them to preserve the relationship or gain peace of mind. In actual fact, couples who can not express what they think may end up colluding with their partner and give up themselves in the relationship.

Couples avoiding conflict can show resistant behaviours toward each other.


Sometimes we ignore it when our partner hurts us, acts inappropriately or violates our boundaries. Couples, who cannot assertively express healthy anger, may end up unconsciously acting it out towards their partner, with resistant behaviours.  Couples may show their anger passively at each other, by doing things to annoy each other, end up resentful or ignoring their partners needs.  Some couples pay each other back for things that hurt, rather than express them. Yet, their real  feelings gets overlooked by their actions.


What do couples avoid conflict and what is the impact of avoiding conflict?

  • Many couples do not express themselves because they are afraid of conflict, upsetting their partner or fear that the relationship could end.
  • Many partners push down their feelings or avoid issues, until they take over the relationship.
  • Many do not register their feelings, until it’s too late.
  • Often partners are not in touch with their actual needs, so  they go along with others, until they’ve had enough.
  • Sometimes a partner is not allowed to express their view, feeling pressured to back down.
  • Many individuals do not know how to raise issues, negotiate their needs or deal with conflict.
  • Many feel unsafe of their partner’s reaction, so they sacrifice their own needs or deny the issues, by putting them out of their mind.

Portrait of thoughtful beautiful woman with man in background at home

If couples cannot express their thoughts, feelings or concerns, then the relationship can be in serious trouble.  Shutting down can lead to devastating effects on the individual. Many couples who cannot communicate, end up feeling that their needs are not getting met. In actual fact,  by not expressing themselves, they collude with their needs not getting met. Yet, they may end up feeling that their partner  is not meeting their needs, rather than expressing their needs. The impact can be passive-aggressive anger acted out toward each other, in the form of marital affairs, addictions, abuse, distancing or giving up on the marriage. Passive forms of anger can be acted out by disinterest in your partner, not caring about their partner’s needs, not contributing towards house-hold chores and so forth. The end result of avoidance to deal with issues can lead the relationship to end. Unexpressed feelings can lead to bitter resentment or disengagement in the marriage.

Therapy for conflict avoidant couples

Therapy for conflict avoidant couples allows partners to get in touch with themselves and their needs, so that they can effectively express themselves in the relationship. It  is important that couples can self-activate and express differences, negotiate their needs and gain  conflict-resolution skills, in a healthy argument.

Marriage counselling offers couples effective communication skills, so spouses can hear what is going on behind their defensive reactions, connect and understand each other.  Counselling for conflict avoidant couples aids self treatments-for-anxiety expression and allows real healthy needs to be met within the relationship.

Some couples avoid conflict because it feels unsafe to express themselves in the relationship

Fear of Intimacy CounsellingMany spouses utilize marriage counselling before deciding to stay or leave their relationship. If couples attempt effective communication skills, in couples counselling, but one partner cannot handle the expression of their needs or feelings, then it might be worth asking yourself if the relationship is worth it. Some partners fear communicating due to the abuse it may cause them. Many conflict avoidant couples keep the peace, so that they feel safe. No relationship is worth losing your sense of self and confidence. It may be time to take better care of yourself.

Enquire about avoiding conflict counselling in Melbourne

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