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 Counselling for Borderline Personality Disorder in Melbourne

Counselling in Melbourne service offers counselling for individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder. Many clients with borderline personality disorder present with the following behaviours.

  • Many who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder are pre-occupied with their relationships to avoid being alone.
  • Many will negate their needs or avoid raising issues because it brings up the fear of abandonment.
  • Expressing themselves brings up the fear of abandonment, so they accommodate the needs of others.
  • Fearful of abandonment and often react hostile to perceived abandonment.
  • When perceiving real or imagined abandonment, some will abandon back. Often, pushing away loved ones.
  • Alternate from clinging to distancing behaviours, love or anger.
  • They turn to relationships to feel good about themselves, and then get angry or cut off when they perceive abandonment.
  • Some will act out, have affairs or addictions rather than address issues with their partner, to avoid separation fears.
  • Often feel they lack a cohesive sense of self, so they fill the empty self  with instant pleasures or addictions in order to feel good momentarily. While, deny the destructive impact on their life.
  • Suffer poor impulse control, emotional dysregulation, low frustration tolerance or impatience, rapid mood swings, anger.
  • Lack the stability in work and relationships.
  • Fear that they cannot function adequately on their own, not trusting themselves
  • They can fall in and out of love instantly.
  • They avoid focusing on themselves and feel uncomfortable when not focused on pleasing others.
  • They often resort to self defeating or self destructive behaviours because it causes them to feel good and escape the bad feelings or abandonment.
  • Can be easily triggered to feeling abandoned or worthless, misreading interpersonal situations and reacting to their projected fantasy, rather than dealing with the reality of the situation.  For instance accusing their partner of abandoning them when they want space.
  • Lack of sense of object constancy – fearing the person has left them when they are not there
  • They self sabotage, by putting the needs of others ahead of themselves, until they end up bitter or resentful when they lose themselves to their relationships or when their needs do not get met.
  • They please others and put up with things that are costly towards them, to feel wanted.
  • Splitting: they feel bad about themselves when they perceive others are mean, uncaring or abandoning . While, alternating into feeling good about themselves when perceived to be loved, rescued or taken care of (good).               They can blame others for causing them to feel bad about themselves, by splitting off the bad feelings and projecting them onto others who are seen as bad, so they can feel good. Alternatively, in order to feel loved they can remain feeling bad by blaming themselves in relationships in order to avoid seeing the bad aspects of a partner. Often protecting an abusive partner.
  • Often, they give into the needs of others. So, they do not always know how to protect themselves or have boundaries,  feeling violated or used, and then react.
  • Many are not invested in themselves, to determine what is right for them.
  • Many turn to others to take care of them or manage their life for them, instead of take  control their own lives.
  • Some feel loved and supported when others take care of them, often ending up in perpetuating crisis.
  • They can get a secondary gain or feel good when others help them or support them, enabling their regressive behaviour, by being pulled into rescuing them. Often burning out relationships when others have had enough.
  • When feeling abandoned, they will act out in self destructive ways.
  • Struggle to activate their self or do things that are right for them.
  • They find it difficult to take responsibility for themselves, since they do not trust their own self, that hasn’t fully emerged.
  • Some will be co-dependent, rescue or take responsibility for others to avoid abandonment. They do not always act regressive.
  • Their primary focus is being loved, even if there is a cost to themselves. Often sacrificing themselves for love

James Masterson describes those with a Borderline Disorder of the self, also known as Borderline Personality Disorder.  They struggle with love and anger. The higher functioning  borderlines function mostly in the loving or rewarding unit. These Borderline personality disorder individuals feel good when loved, so they are overly invested in their relationships,  not helping themselves. They strive for love, even if they are being mistreated. They are forever pleasing, giving partners what they need from them, including being totally devoted to them, accommodating,  in the hope to feel loved and not abandoned. They give up their self or deny things that are destructive to themselves, to stay in a relationship. They often ignore signs of an affairs or minimise abuse. They will self sacrifice or compromise their self for love, ignoring the cost this will have to them since they do not protect themselves. They hope the relationship will meet their needs, avoiding to see when the relationship is working against themselves. Many sacrifice their needs or wants to get the love, even if the relationship is destructive to themselves. When others do not put the same effort in the relationship they  experienced it as abandonment or see the other not caring. Many adapt their behaviour, to give up their self, in order to feel loved, which can have a cost to them, often giving up everything. Many get angry when the love is not returned.

Lower  functioning Borderline Personality Disorder individuals function at a lower capacity, in the aggressive unit. They struggle with anger since they had extreme abandonment or mistreatment. Usually their parents couldn’t cope with them and took their anger out on them, when the child was not complying  or abandoned them when the child needed them. So lower functioning Borderline Personality individuals turned this anger inward towards the ‘self’ by having bad self image or being self destructive.  They feel worthless and unworthy of love, so they search for evidence that their partners are rejecting them. They show hostility during perceived abandonment and when love is withdrawn from them. Their fears of abandonment are so pervasive, they push partners away, perpetuating abandonment. Yet, they desperately want love to be good enough, so they act out with clinging behaviours.

Counselling  in Melbourne for Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

According to James Masterson, those individuals with a borderline personality disorder had a parent who needed  the child, so the parent did not have to face their own feelings abandonment. When the child was exploring their world or separated from the parent, the parent felt  abandoned from the child, so the care giver abandoned the child when the child needed them for refuelling of their ‘self’. As a result the parent  did not support their child’s emerging self, by supporting their growth and independence. So these children have a self that remains developmentally stuck, scared to activate themselves, since they were abandoned, felt bad or punished when they explored their  real self . So they acquired a false self based on pleasing others and giving up their real self, in order to avoid abandonment and receive love.

Indiviuidals who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder received loving supplies when clinging to their parent and complying to the care givers needs.  When the parent feel abandoned and withdrew libidinal supplies, the parent did not support them in their self discovery or give them the libidinal push that they needed to learn new skills. The caregive offers them comfort when being close and abandons the child or gets angry when they step away to explore the world around them. Those who have borderline personality were therefore punished for real self expression or self activation. So they gave up their own self, needs or wants to make the parent happy. The parent may have been too invested in her own relationship with her husband, that she withdrew support for her child, not registering the child’s needs. So the parent did not offer supplies for the child’s real self to grow. The parent did not back them and have belief in them,  or instil trust in their self to push them forward by giving them the support that they required for the emerging self to develop. The person who is borderline has a real self has been developmentally arrested,as they struggle in their capacity to cope with work, study, love. Attempts to progress themselves actually causes them to feel the abandonment depression, and therefore they resist focusing on themselves and follow the pursuit of others, remaining stuck in self-defeating behaviour.

Push yourself forward with Borderline counselling in Melbourne

Not having a strong sense of self, with a strong conviction in their ‘self”, the person with a borderline personality disorder can give up on challenging tasks when they arise. During life stresses, the look for the easy way out or avoid things that get difficult. They avoid living within reality, since they struggle with investing in the real self, taking on adult responsibilities. They have a lack of real self investment in doing things that make them fulfilled, but do things to derive give instant pleasure (addictions, shopping and sexual promiscuity).

Invest in the Borderline Self

Those suffering from a Borderline Personality Disorder  operate below their real potential, not trusting themselves to put themselves forward, to achieve what they really want in life. They often fail to take care of themselves or push themselves, by not having enough libidinal investment in their self to believe in themselves. Yet, they are more than capable of helping others and doing things for them, not focusing on themselves. Many got love or reward, by feeling good, for regressed behavior, not for exploring their self. This fundamental pattern keeps them stuck from reaching their real potential in life, so they live a life of struggle, hardship and chaos at the expense of their real self. They please others, then  get angry at them, when life does not turn out for them, as they hold others responsible for their decisions. Deep down they know what to do, but gives this up by trusting others to guide their life for them. Making others responsible for them means they never have to take ownership for their life. So Masterson counselling in Melbourne  facilitates the real self to activate, wake up and continue the journey of growth and self discovery. So they can take control of their lives.

Lower functioning individuals with a borderline personality,  often feel good and happy when in a relationship because they do not have to face the feelings of isolation, depression, emptiness or worthlessness from within themselves.  When they self activate or express themselves, they feel bad or abandoned. James Masterson calls this the Abandonment Depression. So, when they self activate by taking care of themselves, they will feel abandonment depression, consisting of these bad feelings such as feeling empty or abandoned. Essentially they were made to feel bad about themselves or abandoned for focusing on their self. So they give their ‘self’ to avoid abandonment or feeling bad. Yet these patterns continues to be self-defeating for them.

In aggressive unit, the patient experienced so much  bad treatment that the anger gets buried inside, but cannot be handled inside the self.  So patients with Borderline  personality disorder constantly discharge their anger outside of them, causing harm to others, so they don’t feel as bad or not good enough. So they take out their feelings on others, with anger at their boss or partner, to rid themselves of these feelings. Otherwise they turn the anger towards self destructive behaviours, to release the pain.

An inability to regulate feelings within the self, causes them to feel worthless when they focus on themselves or attempt to self activate by pushing themselves. They often see the worse outcome in situations, fearing failure. They lack a positive belief in themselves, not trusting their own self and capabilities.  So they give up easily, before trying. So they steer away from taking care of themselves because of  their distorted belief that tells them they are not good enough.

The Masterson treatment approach shifts the Borderline from acting out with destructive behaviours that hold them back, while working through the abandonment depression, so they can self activate and continue the process of self-growth. This allows them to move forward and not be stuck, by overcoming their regressive behaviour while build real self.

Here are some useful resources on dealing with borderline personality disorder

 Causes of borderline disorder and treatment

How to cope with BPD


How to deal with a relationship with a BPD lover, 

Understanding borderline personality

Are you in a bad relationship or projecting


Are you pushing love away

Sabotaging yourself

Fear of abandonment, 

Self destructive behaviours



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All content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone

For enquiries for Borderline Personality Disorder counselling,  call: 0449 861 147  or  use the quick consultation form.