Couples Therapy

The aim of Couples Therapy is to dismantle the negative patterns of interaction between the couple by removing the blame and illuminating the underlying feelings. 

Individuals do not always see the part they play in the relationship, since we all have unconscious blind spots that get in the way of seeing ourselves and the impact we have on others.

When couples protect themselves from feeling hurt, by becoming defensive, they evoke a defensive response in the other. Couples become stuck in these patterns,  so the underlying hurt remains unresolved. Melbourne's couples therapy allows them to understand what underlies their partner's reactions. It allows couples to respond to each other, so couples can be free from defensive patterns of interaction.

Seeing a couple therapist will allow each person to  processes the hurt, allowing partners to get in touch with their feelings, so that they can express them in a way that gets heard. Instead of reacting, partners can feel more cohesive in themselves and secure in their relationship.

Therapy for couples encourages spouses to take ownership for their part and see their partner more clearly, while becoming free from misinterpreting and misunderstanding each other. Relationship therapy allows couples get to the underlying feelings behind their actions so they can respond to each other's feelings.

When couples stay stuck in self-perpetuating defensive behaviour, it can alert them that the couple needs to see a couples therapist to avoid things escalating. Warning signs can be seen as criticizing each other, stonewalling or withdrawing from the marriage. If these relationship difficulties persist, it is time to seek help for your relationship.

What to expect from the first couple counselling session

• The couples counsellor does not permit partner's to blame, judge or find fault in the other, which creates a sense of safety for the couple.
• Couples will be encouraged to express their own experience within the relationship.
• The couples therapist will create a safe therapeutic atmosphere, so each partner has enough space to be heard.
• Couples  get in touch with the feelings that are beneath their reactions, within the safe parameters of the therapeutic frame.
• Defensive reactions are eliminated so any underlying feelings can emerge while containing underlying hurt so that each partner is understood better.
• Couples slowdown from reacting and listen to what is really going on for each other without defending
• Couples learn how to express themselves in a way that encourages their spouse to listen, rather than react.
• The counselor will de-escalate defensive reactions to get to the heart of the matter. so your partner can hear what is really goin on for you.
• The counsellor will not take sides but explore the patterns of interaction  to work out a way forward.

In order to resolve these patterns and form new ways of relating, a minimum of 6 to 10 relationship therapy sessions are usually required in order to begin this process. Changing these patterns with healthier responses can occur with more long-term therapeutic work for real gains to be achieved.

What to gain from seeing relationship therapist together

Providing a range of evidence based treatment modalities such as the Gottman approach, and  Emotionally Focused Therapy, we help couples create a safe and secure attachment which builds a stronger foundation for the couple in order to begin to face the issues together. Couples are able to understand each other's needs and respond to each other's bid for connection, in a way that works for them.

Therapy diffuses blame and locates the responsibility for change within the individual. 

We integrate systemic modalities into a coherent framework for treating couples dynamics. Our  couple therapist has a Masters training qualification in couples and family therapy, plus a further 3 years of post graduate training in attachment trauma and personality issues to navigate the complexities of deeper intra-psychic issues for each partner. So we deal with both the inner workings of the individual and how they interact with each other by impacting the couples cycle.

For instance the partner who is anxious of separation will protest by fighting for a bid for connection, and the avoidant partner may react by distancing, and dismiss how their partner feels, if they feel under attack. These patterns of interaction creates a couple dynamic that keeps them stuck in the way they protect themselves. So couples requires the strength and expertise of a well trained therapist who does not get drawn into these patterns, but can unlock these dynamics. So  couples can learns how to build new responses in a way that  connects with each other,  and also begin to heal from any attachment wounds along the way

Contact us today

Use the enquiry form or call 0449 861 147  to book an appointment.