Counselling for Borderline Personality Disorder in Melbourne
Counselling in Melbourne offers counselling for those with Borderline Personality Disorder:
- Many who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder are pre-occupied with their relationship to avoid being alone.
- Fearful of abandonment and react hostile to perceived abandonment.
- They turn to relationships to feel good about themselves.
- They please others and put up with things that are costly towards them, to feel wanted.
- They do not always know how to protect themselves or have boundaries.
- Many are not invested in themselves, to determine what is right for them.
- They turn to others to take care of them or manage their life for them, staying helpless to control their own lives.
- They find it difficult to take responsibility for themselves, since they do not trust their own self, that hasn’t fully developed.
- Their primary focus is being loved, even if they are mistreated.
James Masterson describes those with a Borderline Disorder of the self, also known as Borderline Personality Disorder. They struggle with love and anger. The higher level borderlines function mostly in the loving or rewarding unit. These Borderline personality disorder individuals feel good when loved, so they are overly invested in their relationships, not helping themselves. They strive for love, even if they are being mistreated. They are forever pleasing, giving partners what they need from them, including being totally devoted to them, accommodating, in the hope to feel loved and not abandoned. They give up their self or deny things that are destructive to themselves, to stay in a relationship. They often ignore signs of an affair or minimise abuse. They will self sacrifice or compromise their self for love, ignoring the cost this will have to them since they do not protect themselves. They hope the relationship will meet their needs, avoiding to see when the relationship is working against themselves. Many sacrifice their needs or wants to get the love, even if the relationship is destructive to themselves. When others do not put effort in, they experienced it as abandonment or see the other not caring. Many adapt their behaviour, to give up their self, in order to feel loved, which can have a cost to them, often giving up everything. Many get angry when the love is not returned.
Lower level functioning level Borderline Personality Disorder individuals function at a lower capacity, in the aggressive unit. They struggle with anger since they had extreme abandonment or mistreatment. Usually their parents couldn’t cope with them and took their anger out on them, when the child was not complying or abandoned them when the child needed them. So lower functioning Borderline Personality individuals turned this anger inward towards the ‘self’ by having bad self image or being self destructive. They feel worthless and unworthy of love, so they search for evidence their partners are rejecting them. They show hostility during perceived abandonment and when love is withdrawn from them. Their fears of abandonment are so pervasive, they push partners away, perpetuating abandonment. Yet, they desperately want love to be good enough, so they act out with clinging behaviours.
Counselling in Melbourne for Borderline Personality Disorder
According to James Masterson, those individuals with a borderlines parent needed the child, so the parent did not have to face their own feelings abandonment. When the child was exploring their world, the parent felt abandoned from the child, so the mother abandoned the child when the child needed her for refuelling of their ‘self’. As a result the parent did not support their child’s emerging self, by supporting their growth and independence. So these children have a self that remains developmentally stuck, scared to activate themselves, since they were abandoned, felt bad or punished when they explored their real self . So they acquired a false self based on pleasing others and giving up their real self, in order to avoid abandonment and receive love.
The Borderline Personality Disorder individual only received loving supplies when clinging to their parent and complying to the mother’s needs. By withdrawing libidinal supplies, the parent did not support them in their self discovery or give them the push to they needed to learn skills. The mother offers them comfort when being close and abandons the child or gets angry when they step away to explore the world around them. Those who have borderline personality were therefore punished for real self expression or self activation. So they gave up their own self, needs or wants to make the parent happy. The parent may have been too invested in her own relationship with her husband, that she withdrew support for her child, not registering the child’s needs. So the parent did not offer supplies for the child’s real self to grow. The parent did not back them and have belief in them, or instil trust in their self to push them forward by giving them the libidinal push they required for the emerging self to develop. The person who is borderline has a real self has been developmentally arrested since they were a child, and they continue to function at a regressed level, as they struggle in their capacity to cope with work, study, love.
Push yourself forward with Borderline counselling in Melbourne
Not having a strong sense of self, with a strong conviction in their ‘self”, the person with a borderline personality disorder can give up on challenging tasks when they arise. During life stresses, the look for the easy way out or avoid things that get difficult. They avoid living within reality, since they struggle with investing in the real self, taking on adult responsibilities. They have a lack of real self investment in doing things that make them fulfilled, but do things to derive give instant pleasure (addictions, shopping and sexual promiscuity).
Invest in the Borderline Self
Those suffering from a Borderline Personality Disorder operate below their real potential, not trusting themselves to put themselves forward, to achieve what they really want in life. They often fail to take care of themselves or push themselves, by not having enough libidinal investment in their self to believe in themselves. Many got love or reward, by feeling good, for regressed behavior, not for exploring their self. This fundamental pattern keeps them stuck from reaching their real potential in life, so they live a life of struggle, hardship and chaos at the expense of their real self. They please others, then get angry at them, when life does not turn out for them, as they hold others responsible for their decisions. Deep down they know what to do, but gives this up by trusting others to guide their life for them. Making others responsible for them means they never have to take ownership for their life. So Masterson counselling in Melbourne facilitates the real self to activate, wake up and continue the journey of growth and self discovery. So they can take control of their lives.
Lower functioning individuals with a borderline personality, often feel good and happy when in a relationship because they do not have to face the feelings of isolation, depression, emptiness or worthlessness from within themselves. When they self activate or express themselves, they feel bad or abandoned. James Masterson calls this the Abandonment Depression. So, when they self activate by taking care of themselves, they will feel abandonment depression, consisting of these bad feelings such as feeling empty or abandoned. Essentially they were made to feel bad about themselves or abandoned for focusing on their self. So they give their ‘self’ to avoid abandonment or feeling bad. Yet these patterns continues to be self-defeating for them.
In aggressive unit, the patient experienced so much bad treatment that the anger gets buried inside, but cannot be handled inside the self. So patients with Borderline personality disorder constantly discharge their anger outside of them, causing harm to others, so they don’t feel as bad or not good enough. So they take out their feelings on others, being angry at their boss or partner, to rid themselves of these feelings. Otherwise they turn the anger towards self destructive behaviours, to release the pain.
An inability to regulate feelings within the self, causes them to feel worthless when they focus on themselves or attempt to self activate by pushing themselves. They often see the worse outcome in situations, fearing failure. They lack a positive belief in themselves, not trusting their own self and capabilities. So they give up easily, before trying. So they steer away from taking care of themselves because of their distorted belief that tells them they are not good enough.
The Masterson treatment approach shifts the Borderline from acting out with destructive behaviours that hold them back, while working through the abandonment depression, so they can self activate and continue the process of self-growth. This allows them to move forward and not be stuck, by overcoming their regressive behaviour while build real self.
For more topics related to borderline personality disorder visit pages on emerging borderline disorder, how to cope with BPD splitting, how to deal with a relationship with a BPD lover understanding borderline personality, abandonment, sabotaging yourself, fear of abandonment, self destructive behaviours, co-dependency, BPD
All content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone
For enquiries for Borderline Personality Disorder counselling, call: 0449 861 147 or use the quick consultation form.