Are you unaware of your aggressive behavior?

   Many are told they have aggressive behavior, but they cannot see it. Many are not aware of their aggressive behavior. Often they feel they are the victim of others mistreatment, and so they feel that they have a right to defend themselves when they’re in a rage, in the heat of the moment.  By not resolving the underlying feelings or causes of aggressive behavior, the aggressive behaviour does not go away.

By externalizing your anger,  by feeling that others cause you to become angry, you never have to  deal with it . It is not easy to take responsibility for ones anger, but necessary in order for change to occur. The impact can cost you your love ones and happiness.

For many what underlies aggression is hurt. When one is jealous or afraid of losing a love one, they become angry, controlling or possessive, that protects against feeling fears of getting hurt or abandoned. Many see themselves as victims when others leave them or don’t care. So they focus on what others have done to them, so their anger gets denied, outside their awareness, and gets projected out  others, seeing others as aggressive towards them. They cannot see their aggressive behavior and the impact it has on others.

In anger management counselling, the more a person denies taking responsibility for their anger, the more they are likely to take it out on those they love. Others can see you in a reactive episode, even if you cannot see it for yourself.  Counselling in Melbourne allows you to understand how expressing anger assertively is healthy. To manage angry feelings, it is more effective to  acknowledge you’re angry, than continue to project anger on to those you love. Understand what underlies outburst of temper  so ones aggressive behavior does not become an issue for you or others. Counselling assists by processing one’s anger, by locating underlying feelings and modifying them, in a way that allows them to feel  calmer on the inside.

Many who felt abandoned as children, will take out their anger on their partner, in order to feel loved by the parent. So the partner is projected to the abandoning person.

Overcome hostility and volatility in defensive couples

Couples counselling Melbourne can de-escalate couples conflict by resolving the underlying feelings behind angry outburst of temper, while resolve issues so that they do not  play out in your relationship. The more that one avoids facing underlying feelings, the more likely they will act out the pain in their relationships, until the feelings are worked through.

Learn how to express underlying feelings assertively, rather then act out the anger, when the issues remained unresolved and  take over the relationship. The more one gets in touch with their feelings, they are more able to express them, in healthier ways, and get their needs met in the relationship.

In relationship counselling Melbourne, many hostile couples avoid raising issues in order to keep the peace, until the issues get out of control and the feelings are built up inside, until  they explode and come out the wrong way by reacting in the heat of the moment. Are you avoiding conflict in your marriage to avoid narcissistic rage. You could be in a relationship with a person with narcissistic personality disorder.

As a relationship therapist Nancy Carbone has a M Soc Sc (Couns) at Counselling Service Melbourne.  If you want to overcome hostile conflict contact Nancy on the enquiry form  for an appointment. You can sign up on her newsletter for more tips and relationship advice.