How to fix your marriage

 Help for married couples

fix marriageHow to fix your marriage? At Relationship Counselling many seek help when they notice relationship patterns, end up in destructive dynamics. With the support of a therapist  many begin to see the part they play in relationships, which contributes to how their relationships end up. So they can work towards fixing their relationship.

When marital issues arises, it provides an opportunity to work on defensive relationship patterns, which often represent  unresolved areas that get triggered in each spouse’. These relationship patterns may continue to be ‘acted out’ if not addressed by fixing the marriage. These deficits within the ‘self’  can continue to be overlooked, without marriage guidance counselling in Melbourne. Many of our relationship patterns remain out of our  awareness, so we do not see our part we play in our marriage. The more we look at our partner, as the cause for the problem, the more we deflect from the part that we play. It is a defensive response to focus on them, not ourselves; it protects us from facing our part, so we do not have to face our own feelings, such as,  loneliness, emptiness or feeling not good enough, which can become triggered by our partner. Many spouses accuse their partner if they feel a particular way, by defending against these painful feelings, by reacting towards their partner, often worsening the conflict without realizing this.  Resolving marriage conflicts with a counsellor allows married couples  to become more in touch with underlying vulnerable parts of themselves, so they do not need to defended against them with defenses reactions’, which  can  cause marriage failure.

In couples therapy, many partners react in aversive ways that they’ve learned when coping with past abuse or trauma in childhood, it helped them to push down the pain in the past or cope in terrifying situations. Many have learned to adapt their behaviour in relationships when dealing with conflict, by using these same survival coping mechanisms, which helped them in the past but work against them in the present relationship. For instance, when many are triggered they walk on egg shells, keep the peace, avoid conflict, keep their feelings to themselves and modify their behaviour to avoid upsetting others, as ways to protect themselves from abandonment or upsetting others. Sometimes, these responses keep them from addressing issues in their  marriage, so that the issues build and get swept under the rug, until they blow up and retrigger or re-traumatise each other.

Many do not feel safe to raise issues with each other, so they avoid issues altogether, by repeating patterns in the past. Others, learned to shut down how they feel, become numb to their feelings and so they react the same way when they encounter abuse in their present relationship, which prevents them from immobilising themselves and taking control of themselves to be safe, so they continue to become abused in relationships, by becoming overwhelmed and shut down, so they simultaneously end up getting abused again and again, because they switch off and shut down, when they need to become alert and deal with abusive situations.

Find marital solutions and resolve relationship problems

Find the solutions to marriage problems and resolve relationship problems. Counselling Melbourne counsellor services,  assists  distressed partners to become unstuck,  as they work through marital discord and develop more effective ways of communicating. We help to recover relationships by assisting each spouse to own their part which contributes to the couple ways of relating, overcoming each partners blind spots.  So they do not lose grip on seeing themselves or each other, during marital conflict. Married partners are able to develop a more cohesive sense of self and feel secure in the marriage.

For marital solutions call  Counselling in Melbourne 0449 861 147,  or use the  enquiry form page Here.

All content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone

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