Dealing with Couples Conflict

Providing dealing with couples conflict at Counselling in Melbourne, many couples face difficulties when raising issues with each other, because it will result in couple conflict. Rather than addressing concerns with a spouse, the issue becomes shelved because it raises anxiety to bring it up, due to the anticipated reaction from their partner. Yet the price they pay for avoiding couples conflict can negatively impact  themselves and their relationship. In order to avoid tension, these partners let issues slide, until the problems build, from putting up with behaviours that are destructive towards the relationship. The more partners placate each other’s issues, they end up enabling them to continue the that behaviour, by being collusive in not resolving the problem. As the problems are avoided and continue to impact the couple,  one can no longer cope and deal with the issues. As the issues get out of hand.

Couples conflict

In anger management counselling for couples, these married spouses end up reactive. When issues are left too late, the anger takes over and effects the way they communicate, becoming conflictual. Instead of expressing concerns in a healthy way when the issues arise in the first instance, couples end up hurting each other when the rage takes over. Often partners end up feeling victimised by how the other treats them, when they cannot tolerate the behaviour anymore.  when they finally get out how they feel, it comes across as blaming and accusing.

Whilst providing couples counselling Melbourne , the question is asked, why partners let issues go for so long and didn’t raise them, if it upset them so much. As it turns out, many do not trust what they feel, so they ignore their feelings or concerns, until they cannot put up with their partner’s behaviours anymore. They do not know how to express themselves, in real time, when he problems actually occur. These couples who were initially passive to deal with issues by avoiding couple conflict, actually enable the problems by in letting the issues continue, by doing nothing to address it. These partners ignore their concerns, not registering what upsets them or deny the impact on them, because there’re afraid it may cause couple conflict. However, they end up acting out their anger towards each other, eventually, becoming hostile or defensive, without realising it. Whatever hurt and angry feelings are not expressed,  get acted out, in the form of displaced anger.  Couples can get to the point that they cannot hear each other, because they feel so mistreated by putting up with things for too long. At the point couples cannot handle it, they end up wanting to blame how bad the other person is, causing a defensive cycle of couples conflict. So they attack each other causing couples conflict.

Counselling for Angry Hostile Couples

conflict couples

Similarly, with borderline personality disorder, couples conflict can lead to hostile fighting, causing partners to feel attacked for no particular reason, feeling the volatile reactions are disproportionate to the situation,  feeling unfairly treated. This occurs when the partner may have failed to raise  issues until they’ve had enough, when  their angry reactions take over. So the real concerns become lost because the anger and resentment takes over. So the real issues get ignored. In counseling for conflictual couples, these partners  want to change their partner, antagonising them with blame. Distressed couples get to the point where they blame each other and do not take responsibility for the issues, unable to hear each other. They do not see how letting things go for so long made the problems  worse. Often hostile couples conflict  results from a relational pattern of pleasing each other by ignoring issues that bother them, to eventually having enough of their partners behaviour and then becoming angry. The end result could become destructive for the couple.

For more information about couples therapy Melbourne at  counselling Melbourne contact Nancy on 0449 861 147 or use enquiry form below.

All content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone


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