Solve Couple conflict

De-escalating couple conflict

couple conflictCouple conflict occurs when communication breakdown  takes over the relationship. In couples counselling Melbourne, partners are assisted to communicate their inner feelings, so they do not defend against them with being reactive. The escalating partner see’s what happens for them, in an argument with their partner. As a reflective listening strategy, in the ‘here and now’ moments of the session, couples begin to process, slow down and be mindful before reacting, so they get in touch with what is really happening for them, underneath their reactions so that the more vulnerable feelings can be expressed. Partners find ways to communicate what they are feeling, underneath their reactions, to overcome couple conflict. The relationship can transform from stuckness to movements of intimate connection, reshaping new bonding moments that allows the relationship to become a safe and secure haven for each partner to turn to.
Slowing down and processing what is underneath the defensive reactions allows spouses to speak calmer and listen each other,  so they can express underlying hurts and manage couples conflict. Couples become stuck when they react and attack each other, unable to see what underlies their behaviour.

 Couples Therapy Melbourne offers communication skills so they can relate to each other in new ways. Partners process how they hurt each other  by triggering emotional wounds, by their defensive actions.  Counselling for couples is designed to create a safe space which prevents this from happening, so they can  repair couple conflict.

Couples usually find if hard to stop reacting in the heat of the moment, because these feelings are too much for them to handle, resulting in distressed couples.  If you are too caught up in your reactions, you will not have the space to listen and respond to your partner. When you slow down, you may notice what is happening for your partner and  gain awareness of their emotional experience, so you can begin to attune to each others feelings and respond according.

Strategies to resolve couples conflict

An effective strategy to resolve couples conflict is to avoid expressing your thoughts in the heat of the moment, when things have bottled up or escalated out of control. If you find it difficult to not react,  try to find a suitable time to express your difficulties, preferably once you have calmed down and understood what came up for you. Do not assume your partner is ready to talk when you are,   you need to check to see if they have the space to listen.  You could ask, “ do you have a moment?”,  “when are you free?” or “ Is it OK if I say something?” Your partner will feel more  considered and less reactive. Pick a moment to talk when you are both less calm. Couples will be more able to hear each other.

Often couples get so caught in the hurt and pain of what they’re feeling that they have no safe way to communicate their feelings without conflict escalating out of control. Reacting lets them blow off steam but this coping strategy often causes the partner to feel attacked and defend back, rather then listen. When conflict escalates out of control, therapy can help to des-escalate couples conflict, assist couples listen to each other and resolve marital discord.

Learn how to dismantle couples conflict and raise issues assertively, without inflaming each other, in the heat of the moment. Find strategies to understand each other and move forwards in your relationship.

Nancy Carbone offers  relationship counselling Melbourne.

You can visit Nancy at, Facebook and Twitter, LinkedIn, .

For  Counselling Melbourne appointments for couples to resolve arguments ,  call: 0449 861 147 or use the  Counselling in Melbourne enquiry form page Here.

All content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone

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