Are you addicted to someone who doesn’t love you back?
When you crave love, you can’t live without it. Love is intoxicating when you chase someone who doesnt love you back. You can’t get enough of them, whereby you end up addicted to loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
Like an addiction, it all feels good at the beginning. Relationships can seem distorted through an altered perspective, when you’re hanging out for it.
It all feels good, until the intoxicating effects of the relationship wears off. After the rush and excitement, it all comes crashing down, until you want more to feel the same high.
You’ve become hooked on the relationship. But, what happens when the other person doesn’t want more? You can’t get enough of them, chasing them, waiting for the next feel good moment.
You can look to others to feel good about yourself, when you feel not good enough. You can project them to be everything you ever wanted. So, you end up getting hooked into feeling good about yourself, through the lens that you see them.
You can end up on a high from chasing someone who doesn’t love you back, due to the intoxicating feeling. The anticipation of seeing them excites you, and overrides ones sense of reality.
You may feel the urge for more, and they don’t want it. Somehow, you get drawn to a person who does not want you back. You’re addicted to the excitement of chasing them. When you pine over them, you want them more, so you can feel good again.
When you are craving for love, you might ignore the signs that you are not loved back. Having a love addiction can distort your perspective when you hold onto the hope or the fantasy of obtaining unmet love.
So, why are you addicted to someone who does not love you back?
As a relationship therapist, I hear the agony of unrequited love from those who feel stuck loving someone who doesn’t love them back. Love can hurt, when the love is not shared.
The pain of realizing that the other person doesn’t share these feelings can be executing to come to terms with.
It is easy to stay attached, be in denial and not accept the truth because it feels better than accepting the reality that the relationship could be over.
Love is an addiction, love can feel good, even if it’s not good for you.
You do not want to acknowledge the actual truth, because you do not want to be alone, so you’ve created this fantasy that you are loved.
You can project your hopes and fantasies onto them, feeling intense passion, that is one-sided. You see them as whatever you want them to be, to fulfil you unmet needs.
You can look to others to feel good about yourself, when you feel not good enough. So, you end up getting hooked into feeling good about yourself, through the lens that you see them
You ignore the signs that love is one-sided, because you cannot stop yourself from holding on. You can end up chasing them and put effort into a dead end relationship that goes no where.
They may even tell you the relationship is over, but you do not believe them.
You may even be misguided to think that if you fight for the relationship, you will convince them to love you back. Like an addict, you’ll do what ever it takes to get that high.
Having an addiction to unrequited love means you hold onto those who do not love you, because it feels better than getting over them.
It can feel worse to go without – temporally.
Dealing with someone who doesn’t love you
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back diminishes your self-worth and self-esteem, so you feel worse about yourself. This can cause many to put more effort into a dead-end relationship that goes nowhere.
Sometimes, it is hard to be honest with the situation. Your hopes and dreams can cause you to believe whatever you want, rather than see the truth.
You end up addicted to someone who doesn’t love you back. The only way to recover is to withdraw from the relationship
The truth is, you’ve become addicted when you get hit with the intoxicating feelings, so that you end up wanting more. It can be hard to give up something that feels good, but is not good for you. So you settle for someone to escape the empty void within yourself, of feeling not good enough from unmet love. When you stop looking externally to feel good about yourself, and look within yourself, you can heal the addiction of loving someone who doesnt love you back.
Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist who works through the patterns of attaching to unrequited love. To contact Nancy, connect with her on her website. You can also follow her on social media for more articles or sign up on her newsletter for free advice and tips on relationship matters.
Back to Blog Home