Stop self-sabotage

How to stop sabotaging yourself 

 Are you self-sabotaging by looking for others to feel good about yourself, rather than finding your own self-worth? You can treat yourself exactly how you feel about yourself. So, how to stop sabotaging yourself and feel good about your actual self.

Are you sabotaging yourself by being all things to everyone except yourself? Do you self-sabotage by pleasing everyone else, that you do not get your own needs met?

You can subjugate your own needs in order to feel good about yourself. So, you end up abandoning your actual ‘self’ when your own needs do not get met.

You may be a self-sacrificer, care-taker or rescuer in relationships. Perhaps you let other people’s needs take priority over yours. You may constantly invest in others, more than yourself.

The more you invest in others and not yourself, the more you self-sabotage your own life.

You please everyone else so that you can feel wanted, forgetting to sort out your own life

Being an empath or co-dependent means that you meet the needs of others, not your own. When you do not love yourself, you focus on making others happy, so that you can feel good enough. So you end up giving to others as a way to feel good about your actual self.

If you don’t love the person you are, you will struggle to avoid self-sabotage. You end up pleasing everyone else at the expense of yourself, until you run yourself down and need help for yourself.

The real reason you can’t stop self sabotaging can be your need to be wanted and not abandoned, which causes you to put the needs of others first.  If you make yourself important to others then they will not leave you.

You end up living everyone else’s life and not your own. You end up being that go-to person for everyone else’s problems, even though you ignore your own.

You invest in others and not yourself, preferring to make others happy, so they will not leave you.

You can feel good or wanted by pleasing others, who end up needing you so that you can feel loved.  In turn, you get praise, love, support and connection. So, why would you give this up to fix your own life?

You might just feel abandoned or alone, if you stop focusing on others, or stop sabotaging your life.

You feel unworthy and alone when you focus on yourself, so you derail yourself in life, escaping from your unhappiness to avoid the dreaded fear of abandonment and being alone.

Your fear of rejection keeps you focused on others and not caring about yourself.

By negating yourself and ignoring your needs, you make yourself unimportant and lack self-love. So you turn to others to feel good enough, so they can validate you because you cannot validate yourself.

When you do not invest in yourself, you can end up escaping the emptiness of living an unfufilled life by distracting yourself from your feelings. By coping with addictions, infidelity and other self-defeating behaviours, which end up destroying you.

The more you run away, the more the problems of life get bigger and engulf you, so you want to escape your’ self’ until you lose grip on your own life. You lose yourself in trying to get away from yourself. You search for a way out of your feelings, and can’t stop self-sabotaging.

When you don’t feel good enough, you can end up attracting partners who reflect what you think you’re worth. You can let yourself put up with a abusive relationship, hoping to get the love you always wanted. Then you end up feeling beaten down and losing yourself in order to feel loved or good enough for others.

If you feel undeserving of love cheap Stromectol or fear being rejected, you can put up with a partner who doesn’t love you back, because it resonates with what you think about yourself.

You end up putting up with things that are not good for you, if it reflects what you think you’re worth, without doing what is good for  you.

If you attack yourself for being not good enough, you can accept others who are not good for you, who reflect the way you feel about yourself.

So you can put up with things that are not good for you, when you feel not good enough, hoping to find a partner who can make you feel good enough. Yet you attract exactly what you think you are, not who you really are.

The truth is, you are looking for love in others, instead of finding love within yourself. 

In actual fact, no one can change the way you feel about yourself, if you don’t accept yourself as good enough.

The more you turn to others to feel good enough, the more you lose yourself and can’t stop sabotaging yourself.

If you can’t see your real worth, you’ll keep sabotaging yourself.

Ways to stop self-sabotaging and gain self-love. 

  • Start prioritising yourself and focusing on yourself, instead of putting everyone else first.
  • Listen to yourself and be true to your own needs and wants. Ask yourself, “How do I feel abut this situation?” or “Is this what I want?”
  • Learn to be kinder to yourself and not beat yourself up or punish yourself.
  • Express yourself by being assertive, set limits or boundaries and say ‘no’.
  • You will be less resentful to others when you take better care of your own needs, instead of feeling run down and exhausted by making others happy.
  • When things go wrong remember to look at the whole picture, not the worse case scenario. Look for any signs that you can keep going, that it’s not the end of the world. Look for the solution not just focus on the problem.
  • Ask yourself what your goals are, or what is most important to you and make that your mission statement, so you don’t derail from yourself.
  • Make a commitment to honour yourself and stay true to yourself, as part of harnessing self-love.
  • When you want to give up or lose sight of your goals, ask yourself, “How will this benefit me if I give up now?

You can find self-love within yourself instead of relying on others to validate you. You can begin by focusing on yourself, instead of seeking approval and love from others, which only compromises yourself.

Stop sabotaging by changing how you treat yourself.

Overcome self-sabotaging behaviour by changing the way you see yourself.

Real change comes from changing the way you treat yourself, rather than looking for happiness outside of yourself.

When you give to yourself you will be truly available for yourself in order to build yourself. When you focus on yourself, you will stop sabotaging yourself and derailing from your goals.

When you find your life purpose, you can find fulfilment within yourself, regain strength, gain clarity and self-direction. Most importantly you can take back control over yourself, and not let the internal critic take control of you and stop sabotage you.

Instead of dealing with the empty void within yourself, you run away from your feelings in order to escape how you feel about yourself. You attempt to feel better when you please people, to prevent yourself from feeling abandoned or unwanted.

Instead, getting in touch with your feelings and working through them can be the antidote to prevent sabotaging yourself. When you change the way you feel about yourself, you change the way you treat yourself, by not putting up with things that are not good for you.

The more you escape the critical voice inside of you, the more you sabotage yourself to avoid how you feel, until you address your feelings in therapy.

When you do not feel good or haven’t invested in yourself, you can end up self-sabotaging to feel better about yourself. The truth is, these feelings don’t reflect your true self, so don’t let them sabotage you.

The real antidote to stop sabotaging yourself is having love for yourself, rather than looking for love outside of yourself. If you self-sabotage by giving up on yourself and seek love in others to feel good enough, then you will continue to feel not good about yourself. Once you recognize your real worth,  you will change the way you treat yourself, and avoid self sacrificing behaviour that works against you.

At Counselling Melbourne, Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist with a MSoc Sc (Couns) who works with overcoming self-sabotaging behaviour. If you want to overcome self-sabotage use the contact form.

You can  sign up on her newsletter  to find the real secrets on how to love yourself, and receive free advice and tips.




Back to Blog Home
Enquire Now Enquire Now