Have you secretly fallen in love with someone already attached?
Have you secretly fallen in love with someone already attached? You can be fighting off the feelings, when you feel madly and secretly in love with someone who is taken.
You know it is wrong, so you tell yourself to stop, but you cannot help yourself from having secret love for someone in another relationship.
You can’t let go of him. Something about him makes your heart melt. He has occupied your every thought, you can’t stop thinking about the way he looks at you. You get butterflies and can’t stop thinking about it.
You justify your feelings because you have not cross the boundaries yet, but you are secretly falling in love with someone in a committed relationship.
At home, your partner has stopped paying you attention. You feel increasingly alone. You feel like you’re there to serve everyone else’s needs, but no one notices you or asks about you.
Deep down inside, you have been wanting something much deeper, a stronger and more meaningful connection. The issues between you and your partner has caused you to lose that spark or chemistry.
When you open up about feeling unloved, you are told that you are being silly. So, you look forward to going to work and being heard, by this secret affair, because you feel like you matter to someone else who acknowledges you.
So, you look forward to seeing the married man, because you feel good about yourself in his presence. At home you feel unimportant and undervalued, because you’ve become taken for granted.
You do not know what to do, you are so scared of breaking up your family, if you had to confess your secret love for this married man.
Do you ignore your feelings because you do not want to be a home wrecker, or do you remain secretly in love with a married man and not expose your feelings for him?
You are starting to worry that the feelings of being madly in love with someone else can be so overwhelming that you end up confessing your feelings of love to the other person.
The longer it goes on, the more fearful you are that the hidden love is undeniable, and you can’t control your feelings for him.
You do not know where to draw the line. If the intense feelings continue to take over, secret love can manifest deeper into an emotional affair, or even infidelity.
Lies, deceit and betrayal can destroy your marriage, once the relationship can turn into a deeper connection, physically and emotionally.
How can you stop your heart, when you feel so alone and craving someone to love you, so you can feel good about yourself?
What do you do if you are secretly falling in love with a married man?
So, what do you do if you find yourself secretly falling for a married man? Do you tell him you have a hidden crush on him? Do you let the relationship go? Do you deny your feelings, or stop contact?
Do you tell your husband that there are issues in your marriage, so you can work on it before you sabotage you marriage?
The betrayal and deceit of covering up love for someone in a committed relationship.
The actual truth is that being secretly in love with a married man will most likely go nowhere.
Could it most likely be an infatuation, crush, secret obsession, or fantasy rather than the real thing?
Having a secret love infatuation for someone already taken can be an escape from the feelings of loneliness in your marriage, when you are pining for unmet love. The feelings can feel amazing, until the fantasy wears off.
When secretly falling for an unavailable person, it is easy to project your hopes and fantasies onto each other to safeguard yourselves from the pain of dealing with loneliness.
Having a secret crush with a married man can offer you a safe relationship when you have no obligations or ties to them.
The grass can look greener on the other side of the fence, until you end up leaving your marriage and breaking up a family.
It can be easier to connect with someone when you do not have to negotiate parenting or finances, or deal with difficult matters. What determines a real relationship is how you deal with these matters.
An imaginary love affair with another person can be an escape from dealing with reality. It can feel nice to have someone focus on you, when there are no chores to do.
Once the crush is over, the fantasy of that person disappears, and the real relationship kicks in, where you can see that person in a more realistic light.
Be careful that you do not sabotage your family to run away from your feelings. Seek couples counselling to work on the underlying issues about how you feel about yourself and your marriage.
The deeper it get’s, the harder it get’s to stop it, when you’ve fallen secretly in love with someone married, unless you nip it in the bud and address your marriage.
Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist who deals with infidelity and marital affairs. If you feel like you’ve fallen secretly in love with someone attached, you can visit her website for an appointment or sign up on her newsletter for free advice and tips on relationship matters.
You can also follow Nancy on social media.Back to Blog Home