How To Stop Being A People Pleaser & Be Confident in Yourself.

If you lack self-belief you can end up pleasing people in order to feel love or approval. 

If you worry what people think of you and want people to like you,  then you may not feel good about yourself. This causes you to go out of your way to make people like you.

You can end up going along with other people and pleasing them, so  that you do not feel judged and feel accepted by them. This may mean that you are not true to yourself, but fit in with other people. This causes you to suppress yourself’ in order to make other people happy.

You can feel good about yourself when you are pleasing others. You can get acceptance, love, approval and acknowledgement when you make others happy. It can feel good to be a people pleaser.

You can feel guilty when you stop focusing on other people, so you stop focusing on yourself.

You may be a rescuer or take care of everyone’s needs, but end up feeling that your needs get left behind.

Do you let others take priority over you? When you accommodate the needs of others, you end up losing your sense of self.

You can give up the things that matter to you in order to meet the needs of others.

You can feel worse about yourself when you need others for approval.

You mistakenly think that meeting other people’s needs will automatically meet yours.

You can end up feeling rejected, bitter or resentful when you go out of your way to make others happy and they do not return the favour by putting your needs first.

In fact, you cannot please people and expect them to meet your needs, just because you went out of your way for them.

When you put your self-worth in the hands of others, you end up depending on the relationship to feel good about yourself.

Guess what? No one can change the way you feel about yourself.

We are responsible for our own happiness and need to work on ourselves to build our own self-esteem.

We cannot expect others to meet our own needs.

You can lose yourself when you continually put effort into others, and not into yourself.

You can end up feeling that you do not matter, when your needs get squashed because you are giving to everyone else. This pattern contributes towards low self-esteem and not feeling confident within yourself.

You become run-down and depleted by making sure everyone is happy, except yourself. You’ve got nothing left to give to yourself, and you end up running on empty. So, you give up on yourself or doing the things that make you happy.

The more you sacrifice yourself by pleasing others, the more you lose your sense of self and stop believing in yourself.

You live everyone’s life but not your own. You forget about your needs, wants, passions and aspirations.

Being overly empathic or having co-dependency in relationships causes you to please others and not yourself. You make other people happy in order to feel good about yourself.

People pleasing causes you to feel wanted, when you put the needs of others first.

You end up living everyone else’s life and not your own, solving everyone else’s problems, while ignoring your own.

You fear that if you don’t please people they will not need you or they will leave you.

By negating your needs and ignoring the things that matter to you, you make yourself feel unimportant or unsatisfied with life.

You end up abandoning your ‘self’ for the sake others.

You rely on pleasing people so that they can accept you or pat you on the back, so they can reassure you because you don’t know how to reassure yourself.

You seek love and approval in others, rather than approving of yourself.

You cannot feel self-fulfilled or satisfied with life, if you are negating yourself and not finding happiness within yourself.

The actual truth is, you are searching for happiness in others, instead of finding happiness within yourself.

The more you rely on others to feel good enough, the more you stop feeling confident within yourself.

How to stop pleasing people and believe in yourself:

1 . Start to prioritize yourself and focus on yourself, rather than putting everyone’s needs ahead of yours.

2 . Stop saying ‘yes’ and stop pleasing people by agreeing to do things that you do not want to do.

3 . Learn to listen to yourself and be true to your own needs and wants.

4 . Notice if you feel bad or guilty for not meeting others’ needs, and tell yourself it is okay to do what is right for you.

5 . Start expressing yourself by being assertive, by setting limits, having boundaries and saying ‘no’.

6 . If people know your limits or boundaries then they will not cross them, so you can feel better about yourself and not feel angry or resentful.

7 . You will take better care of yourself by meeting your own needs, instead of feeling run down and exhausted by making others happy.

8 . Ask yourself what your goals are, or what is most important to you and make that your priority, so you don’t derail from yourself.

9 . Back yourself and trust yourself. No one else knows you better than you, so reassure yourself to take control over your own life.

10 . Stop feeling responsible for everyone else, but help others once you’ve helped yourself.

11 . You do not need to apologize or blame yourself for things that you are not responsible for.

12. Don’t let yourself be a push over or door matt for others, but assertively stand up for yourself.

13 . You are not responsible for how others feel, so stop rescuing them. It will only enable others to depend on you and further deplete you. This stops others from taking control over their own lives.

14 . Stop worrying what others think of you and stop trying to make everyone happy with you.

15 . The more you give to others, the more people expect from you. You teach people how to treat you.

16 . Do not let your self-critic take over you. Do not let it sabotage your self-belief.

17 . Stay focused on your goals; make them realistic, measurable and achievable.

18 . Don’t let other peoples judgments of you effect your own opinion about yourself. Sometimes being true to ourselves will not make others like you.

19 . You are not responsible for making others happy, you can’t always change how they feel.

20 . When you turn to others to feel good about yourself you can end up making them responsible for how you feel. You are responsible for how you feel.

Stop pleasing people and take care of yourself.

Focusing on meeting the needs of everyone else only distracts you from yourself.

Stop looking for approval from others and trust yourself.

When you give back to yourself you will become more available for yourself in order to rebuild your self-esteem. By living a self-enriched life, you will be able to address the areas that hold you back and stop derailing from your ‘self’.

When you find your own self-pursuits, you can find happiness within yourself, by finding passion, meaning and self-fulfilment in doing the things that you truly love.

When you stop worrying what people think of you, you can  attract people who like you for who you are.

You can find happiness in being the person you are, not living everyone else’s life.

The secret to feeling good about yourself starts with focusing on yourself and not finding happiness in other people.

You can build confidence if you reassure yourself and stop trying to make people happy with you.

The only way to be happy is to stop pleasing people and live your own life by being your true self.

Nancy Carbone is a relationship counsellor with a M.Soc Sc (Couns). She offers counselling by changing unwanted patterns and assists her clients to master self-love. You can sign up on her newsletter for free advice and tips or follow her social media