Do you suffer from a fear of Abandonment

Do you suffer from a fear of abandonment? Have you ever felt your fear of abandonment pushes your partner away?  Do you become suspicious and paranoid that they could find someone better? Do you hold on tight to your relationship, so they do not abandon you? Do you rely on your relationship to feel good about yourself, to avoid feeling worthless, rejected or alone. At Counselling Service Melbourne, see a counsellor for fear of Abandonment can help.

Fear of Abandonment

Our past relationships, with care givers, forms the way we react in later relationships. When the fear of abandonment is forgotten,  it remains unresolved within us and becomes alive in our relationships

Fear of abandonment For instance,  in a hypothetical case scenario, Joe forgets the feeling of abandonment from his mother, but gets angry towards his girlfriend for leaving him at home occasionally, to visit her friend. So his anger towards his mother remains repressed and is taken out on women in his life. His controlling and possessive behaviour is a way to avoid these abandonment feelings. Whereas, when Joe met to his mother’s needs, he was loved for giving up his self.  This became the template for love, that guided the way he related to women in his life. Joe expected  love when sacrificing his needs to please others, giving up himself. Therapy is about facing the fear of abandonment and giving up the pattern of expecting love for giving up himself, so he could begin to express himself, meet his needs and overcome his controlling behavior.

Many have issues of mistrust and jealousy due to fears of abandonment. Many have felt rejected for their needs,  so they sabotage their relationships, to avoid the fear of abandonment, but end up pushing their relationship to end.  So they relive the fear of abandonment.

How avoiding abandonment causes relationships to end

With a relationship counselling in Melbourne, discover how  avoiding abandonment causes relationships to end.   Counselor services can assist dismantle these defensive behaviours, so intimacy can emerge.

James Masterson described the person with borderline personality disorder as suffering from an abandonment depression during attempts to individuate or separate, by following their own pursuits,  instead of complying with the needs of others. Therefore attempts to self activate or do things that are right for them, can cause significant separation distress or fear of being abandoned, so they will give up themselves to please others. Many individuals with BPD will have abandonment depression when they leave a relationship and feel alone when others separate from them, by not complying with their needs and following themselves, setting boundaries or having healthily space from the relationship. Many can feel intense abandonment and perceive that their partner does not want them or care about them, when they work away. When their partner takes care of themselves and not focus on them, they can perceive they are being abandoned. James Masterson describes the abandonment depression as emerging in the toddler years when the child felt abandoned at attempts to individuate or separate from the care giver. They mother felt abandoned when her child did not need her and wanted discover the world around them, or when the child did not comply to her needs. so the parent abandoned the child and withdrew maternal support or love for their real emerging self to develop.

When many feel separation distress or fear being abandoned, this can propel them to be clingy, possessive or controlling in order to hold onto the relationship or comply to meet others needs, rather than act according to their own wishes. Many will resort to acting out behaviour or protest like a toddler to have a tantrum to get the love they desire, often pushing away loved ones.

Fear of abandonment can take over relationships and push partners to leave you. Overcome jealousy & insecurity in relationships at Counselling in Melbourne.

Nancy Carbone offers counselling Melbourne services and works with personality disorder treatment.

All content is copyright Nancy  Carbone 2017

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