Avoiding to raise issues can cause anger build up

Are you avoiding to raise issues and letting the anger bottle up and get out of control, so it comes out the wrong way and does not get heard? So, how does one register the things that makes them angry, in order to address it and not let it escalate until the anger is out of control?

Avoiding to raise issues can be destructive towards yourself and others. Noticing when something has upset us is vital for taking care of our self. Registering our anger is important, to take care of our ‘self”.  Many avoid raising issues and let issues slide until the issues get out of control and destroy the relationship. Avoiding to raise issues when they arise can be  harmful. Trying to protect the relationship by pushing down your feelings and avoiding conflict can sometimes work against the relationship. Healthy anger alerts us that something is not right. Yet, many do not register when they feel  angry, to protect their relationship. Ignoring that something upsets us, by denying our anger, means that we do not take care of self to express our concerns, assert our needs, set limits and establish boundaries.  So we end up feeling helpless, victimised or abused. If we avoid areas that create harm to ourselves, then the anger gets acted out. Not registering how we feel,  can be destructive to ourselves and relationship.

Avoiding to raise issues can be detrimental to ourselves. Providing relationship counselling in Melbourne, Nancy Carbone has observed how many couples avoid expressing their own needs or concerns because they do not want to jeopardise the relationship with couple conflict.  However, when couples feel they’ve  let issues build by not addressing them, then anger can be felt towards their partner. Sometimes displaced anger can be depicted when the partner stops caring, has mood swings, infidelity, withdrawals, has addictions or gives up in the marriage.

Ignoring to raise issues by not asserting anger

Avoiding to raise issues

Avoiding to raise issues assertively when they arise, means that the issues get out of hand.  Often, heated tempers , can leave their partner feeling mistreated for no reason. Therefore, the real reason for being upset get’s lost. In anger management counselling in Melbourne, many partners were not registering when they were angry or not registering their own needs, until it was too late.

Healthy anger alerts us when we need to assert ourselves and take care of our self.

Healthy anger tells us when something is not right, that we need to pay attention to what is going on within ourselves, so we can express needs and stand up for ourselves, which also makes a stand for a healthy relationship. If we ignore that something  bothers us,  then this only gets worse As a psychotherapist treating anger, Nancy has found that trying to keep the peace to protect the relationship can be self defeating. Ignoring what makes us angry can mean that our anger gets out of control, leading to bitterness, resentment or revenge.


Some  attend counselling when they’ve avoided  issues for too long, that they lose control of their life. They become vulnerable  when they put up with  abuse, so they are unable to cope. Yet, the result  of therapy is usually fixing the trail of damage to ones life, caused by not registering ones anger or registering  needs, to take better care of ones self. Many submissive individuals become passive to face situations, but end up turning their anger inward, towards themselves. By not having a voice or strength to stand up for  themselves, they do not channel their anger into protecting themselves. Instead they blame themselves and  deny their  anger, so they cannot assert themselves.

avoiding issues

Couples counselling

In marriage counselling, partners who avoided to raise issues often put up with addictions and let it go on, not wanting to upset their partner by telling them how they feel. If they placate them, they enable them to get away with this behavior. It tells them, this is how I  allow you to treat me, so they do not have to address their behavior.  Taking care of one ’s self and setting limits on how you expect to be treated promotes a healthy marriage. Having boundaries, self respect and knowing what behaviours one cannot tolerate, allows you to take better care of yourself. In therapy, many will not register their own self or their needs, to know if something has upset them, until it’s too late. These individuals, who lack a coherent sense of self, require counselling to assist them get more in touch with themselves, so they can take better care of themselves and take back control of their own lives..


How to raise issues assertively and express healthy anger

Acknowledging your anger is useful, not acting angry


At  Melbourne counselling, many avoid raising issues because they fear the reaction of their partner. It is not okay to be aggressive, but it is healthy to get in touch with what makes you upset and express what makes you angry.  Couples therapy assists distressed couples  to express themselves in a way that invites an attuned response from their partner and overcome communication breakdown. Anger counselling can assist individuals to work through and resolve angry feelings,  so it does not  get discharged onto others and destroy loving relationships. The more anger is ignored, the more it is plays out in our relationships.

Counselling in Melbourne

all content is copyright 2017 Nancy Carbone

In order to learn how to raise issues at Counselling Melbourne, contact Nancy on 0449 861 147 or send an enquiry on the enquiry form

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