What are the warning signs mistaken for butterflies when you’re dating?

The anxiety you feel can be early warning signs mistaken for butterflies when you are dating someone. the butterflies in the stomach can be self protective behavior when something does not feel right.

Maybe you met someone, but wanted to take it slow but you felt pressured and obliged to give them what they wanted. Perhaps you dropped your guard  because they made you feel wanted.

Every time you told them you had plans, they convinced you to drop what you were doing because they wanted to see you.  If you did not do what they wanted they became easily agitated. You felt panic and fear come over you, fearing their reaction if you didn’t do exactly what they wanted. Maybe you brushed it off and didn’t listen to your gut because you were hoping something good would come of this, ignoring your better judgment.

But they kept texting and calling, telling you that no one had ever made him feel this way. You started to get butterflies every time you thought of your new crush. You got hooked on them.

If your stomach churns every time you speak with them, this could be a red flag warning you that something isn’t right. It’s important to switch on, listen to yourself, and pay attention to these bodily signals preparing you for fight, flight or appease.

Maybe you had a gut instinct telling you something wasn’t right. After all, he or she was eager and making moves when you didn’t feel comfortable. It was easier just to go along with them….But wait a second, you didn’t even want this relationship, or maybe, not so fast.

What felt flattering was actually a sign of pressure or control that you were picking up. This could be a sign that this person had no regards for your feelings, caring only about their own.

It wasn’t butterflies you were feeling; it was fear and anxiety telling you that you’d better do what they want, or else…

Having butterflies can be a signs of red flags when your nervous system responds to protect yourself. The butterflies sensation can be a sign that you sense a threat or a fearful situation.  When the threat arousal center is activated in the nervous system you can be a state of hyperarousal, which is an abnormal state of increased responsiveness to stimuli that is marked by various physiological and psychological symptoms (such as increased levels of alertness and anxiety and elevated heart rate and respiration).

Tell tale signs you’ve confused the red flags for butterflies when you’re dating:

• You were feeling anxious because you switched off from yourself,  ignoring how you were feeling. Deep down, you knew something wasn’t right, but you ignored it
• You didn’t listen to your gut telling you something wasn’t right because you wanted to believe him or her. So you convinced yourself of something that you wanted to believe.
• You let them override your boundaries and better judgment, so you betrayed yourself.
• You didn’t listen to yourself; you ignored your needs and the red flags. But you chased the feeling of being wanted.
• You fell for them before you got to know them.
• You put your hopes on them to be everything you wanted them to be.

How to ensure you don’t mistake the red flags for butterflies in the early stages of relationships?

Whenever you find yourself going against yourself, compromising your needs or feeling pushed into doing something against your better judgment, it’s a massive red flag. When you have this uncomfortable feeling, don’t ignore it. Listen to it. Take your time; get to know someone at your pace, not theirs. If someone is genuinely interested in you, they will accept your boundaries and try to fit in around you. If someone cannot accept your boundaries, its a massive red flag.

If you are continually  dealing with the pain of heartbreak, or feeling blindsided by love, then perhaps you might want to look more deeply at these patterns to understand what is blocking you from getting the love you want.

Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist who helps her clients to get over heartbreak and find the love they deserve. Stay turned for her upcoming book. Sign up for her newsletter.