How A Victim Mentality Can Self-Sabotage And Ruin Your Life.

It can be depressing to be around someone who is always negative, and constantly finds things wrong or complains about everything. Those who possess a victim mentality self-sabotages and ruins their life, because they feel they do not deserve the good things in life, leading them to find things wrong with their life.

Having a victim mentality self-sabotages and ruins a person’s life, when they look at the glass half empty as a reflection for what is really going on deep down inside, within themselves.

Sometimes, pointing out that you do not think things are that bad, or offering them some hope, can feel like you do not understand them, so they will complain more to show you how miserable they are.

If you offer a solution, they will give you another problem to that solution, to make excuses for why nothing will work out.

Nothing you say will help because they have a self-defeating attitude or a mentality that they are the victim which sabotages their life.

Somehow, there is some masochistic pleasure in seeking support while being in crisis because a person gets love and support.

It’s not our job to rescue people who do not want to save themselves. All we can do is be there, and ensure the negativity doesn’t rub off on us. If we get caught up in trying to make them feel better, we can get caught in the chaos and go down with them.

The best antidote to helping someone who lacks gratitude and self-love, is to point out directly that no matter what you say, they always find excuses or find things wrong. Once they can see they’re caught up in the victim mentality, they can own their actual behaviour, and see how self-defeating it actually is.

So how do you know whether you are self-sabotaging with a victim mentality that is ruining your life?

How To Recognise If A Victim Mentality Is Self-Sabotaging And Ruining Your Life

Behaviours that ruin your life when you feel like a victim

 Your internal critic tells you that you don’t deserve the good things in life, that you’ll be rejected or someone else will get the job. You end up sabotaging the things you want in life, so you do not get them.

You feel like a victim of circumstance. Bad things always happen to you, so you expect it, or give up before you try. It feels inevitable that things will not work out, so why bother putting the effort in.

Signs your ruining your life with a self-sabotaging Victim mentality:

1. You do not take action or you give up.

 You find any possible reason why it’s not going to work out, making excuses and giving up before you get started.

It’s not fun to put effort into something if you are not confident it will work out.

2. You lack self-confidence and self-belief

You don’t believe in yourself, causing you to not follow through on your ideas. You put things off, find excuses, avoid being accountable, find escape routes or coast along, rather than live life.

3. You let others take control over your life

You let others tell you how to live your life, since you feel that they know more than you. By following others, you do not take control of your own life.

If you put your life in the hands of others, you have no control of your life. You do not take responsibility for your actions and blame others when things go wrong.

4. You let negative self-beliefs sabotage your choices in life.

You give up based on your internal critic.

You settle for things in life which support how you see yourself, not feeling good enough.

5. You deplete yourself until you need support.

You run around trying pleasing everyone, to the detriment of yourself, until you hit a crisis and need to be rescued. You stop functioning for yourself when you are running on empty. Then it is everyone else’s fault because you carried them and forgot to think about yourself. Then you can blame them for not meeting your needs, when you didn’t meet your own needs.

6. You feel bitter and resentful that your not living your life.

You end up meeting the needs of others because you fear being alone. You give to everyone else, but you are not there for yourself. You don’t focus on yourself but living everyone else’s life, rather than live your own. When your life falls apart, you end up bitter and resentful at life, not feeling in control.

You feel good when pleasing everyone else, rather than focusing on yourself. You rely on your happiness coming from others, rather than fulfilling your own self. You can feel like a martyr, but you’re not there for yourself.

7. You make excuses for why you give up to avoid the fear of failing, being judged or being rejected.

You make excuses or justify why things will not work out, sabotaging your chances because you do not want to put yourself out there to go for what you want and risk failure.

You end up escaping the fear of rejection, avoiding failure or being judged. You are avoiding your feelings of not being good enough, but actually end up feeling worse, when you give up and never get to where you want in life.

8. You engage in self-destructive coping behaviour.

You seek instant relief when you’re not feeling good about yourself, so you attempt to feel better by engaging in addictions, affairs or other self-defeating behaviour.

You end up destroying yourself and ruining your life by running away from these unwanted feelings.

9. You beat yourself up or self-punish.

You attack yourself with self-blame, punish yourself and berate yourself when things go wrong, when you feel like victim by self-sabotage and ruining your life.

In childhood, you can internalise the belief that there is something wrong with you when you felt unlovable. By holding onto the internal critic within yourself, you can end up acting-out these self-loathing feelings with self-destructive behaviour that works against you.

You may not see the self-critic deep within you, when you lack self-love, this is because you are the master at running away from your feelings with self-sabotaging behaviours.

You self-sabotage by giving up on yourself and making excuses, in order to run away from how you feel about yourself.

If you’re a victim, it is always someone else’s fault.

The actual truth is, that you are your own worst critic, and you let your internal saboteur shoot you in the foot.

You feel like a victim because nothing ever goes your way. The truth is, you blame life, others or situations for things that go wrong, rather than looking at how you run away to escape the feeling of not being good enough.

By ignoring your internal-critic you will continue to self-sabotage, unless you deal with the critical part of you.

Living within the victim mentality will sabotage you and ruin your life, if you let these feelings take over and impact you. You can ruin your life with a victim mentality and sabotage yourself.

Having a victim mentality can sabotage and ruin your life, when you do not allow yourself to deserve the good things in life, finding things wrong with your life by complaining and seeing the glass half empty. If you’re a victim, it’s everyone else’s fault, you find excuses or you blame life for things that go wrong. You can end up ruining your life when your inner self-critic sabotages you

As a relationship therapist Nancy Carbone has a M.Soc Sc (Couns). If you are searching for happiness, you can contact her on  her website, or follow her on social media or sign up on her newsletter for free advice and tips on relationship matters..