The Antidote To Get The Love You Deserve
What stops you from getting the love you want? Why does a relationship feel so good at the start, and then you discover that the relationship was not what you thought? If you look for love outside of yourself, you will never get the love you want. So, here’s how to find the real antidote to getting the love you deserve.
You might be struggling to fix your love life or looking for ways to get the love you deserve. Perhaps you’ve given up everything for a relationship, only to discover that the other person was not there for you.
I recall a relationship that changed my life. I gave up everything to feel loved. My entire life revolved around this person. I lost myself, and gave up the things that mattered to me. I then chose myself over love. This was a tough lesson indeed, but I rediscovered my actual self and learned how to not give up myself for love.
If you do not feel good about yourself, have abandonment wounds or unmet love then you can put all your hopes and desires onto a partner in the hope that they can make up for it and give you the love you always wanted.
Sadly this hope can become a blinding fantasy that disappoints you, especially when your abandonment wounds become triggered by your partner, which reinstates all of the hurt you originally felt.
Putting your hopes into someone else to feel good about yourself, often only ends in heartbreak and leaves you feeling empty when you’ve sacrificed your needs to feel loved.
If you do not prioritise yourself, no one else will. If you sacrifice yourself to meet the needs of others, your needs will not get met. These are signs you’ve been holding onto fantasy love.
When you missed out on the love you needed in childhood, you can create a fantasy that someone else will meet these unmet needs, so that you can recapture the love that was needed. In this way, you can protect yourself from feeling unloved, worthless or rejected. This becomes fantasy love; it’s not real love. It will only blind you and stop you from getting the love you deserve.
When you project all of your hopes and unmet needs onto a partner, you can end up seeing your relationship as your entire source of need fulfilment, causing you to give up aspects of yourself in order to protect this fantasy of obtaining unmet love.
By negating your actual self, or compromising yourself for love, you end up making the relationship all about them; not you. You can focus on your relationship by pleasing your partner in order to escape the dreaded feeling of not being good enough, while subsequently pushing real love away.
Being true to your self is the key to getting the love you deserve, not pleasing your partner or revolving your whole life around them.
Being your real self is the solution to finding real love
You can find the love you want if you master self love
As a relationship therapist, Nancy Carbone has a M.Soc. Sc (Couns). If you want help building a loving relationship, you can visit her website to make an appointment. You can sign up on her newsletter for free advice and tips