Suppressing your feelings ruins your relationship.
By suppressing your feelings you can ruin your relationship.
The more you bury your pain, the more you relive these feelings when they become stirred up in relationships, which can cause you to take them out on those you love.
When we are not in touch with our feelings, we do not know what causes them. By not understanding how we feel, it can cause us to become confused and possibly think that our partner has caused us to feel a particular way.
The way a person protects themselves from painful emotions can cause them to perceive that their partner caused the hurt.
Here’s how not acknowledging your feelings can ruin your relationships without realising it.
Often, our feelings are used to interpret the actions of others. When we remain unaware of our feelings, then we think that others are responsible for them. So, we may feel it is our partner causing us to feel sad or miserable.
When we are not in touch with our emotions, our feelings can cloud the way we feel in our relationships. We can blame others for how we feel. We may think that we feel alone because our partner has gone out and left us at home. We might feel unworthy when he forgets to call.
Instead of realising that these feelings belong within us, we attribute them as being caused by our partner. When we displace our feelings onto others, then our emotions can sabotage our relationships, unnecessarily.
How repressing your emotions is ruining your relationship without realizing it?
The more we push painful feelings down, the more act upon the feelings in a way the hurts the relationship. If you do not acknowledge your feelings you can blame others for them.
Do you get angry at your partner for feeling alone, feeling like you do not matter to him? Could there be a possibility that your partner arrived home late because he was working hard to provide for his family, not because he thinks that you are not important to him. Perhaps he’s tried hard to tell you that he loves you, but you hold onto the few times he ignored you. So you feel that he does not care about you.
In this situation, no matter what he does, you are convinced your partner is selfish, uncaring and unloving. Perhaps this has caused him to give up on focusing on the relationship.
Whenever he forgets to call or tell you stuff, it reminds you of how he never considers you. In your mind everyone else is more important than you.
You remember when he used to buy you flowers and told you how sweet you were, and you wonder what ever happened to the person you fell in love with.
Perhaps, it causes you to feel not good enough about yourself, and it feels so unbearable that the only way you can alleviate the pain is to be angry at your partner and blame him for how you are feeling.
In this situation, finding fault in your partner means you do not feel this way. Focusing on your partner, takes you away from your feelings. But then the feelings never go away and keep coming up, thinking that your partner makes you feel lonely and unwanted.
Do you feel constantly hurt, and believe that your partner is responsible for how you feel?
The more you suppress your feelings, the more upset you become and likely to take out your anger on your partner, as if they caused you to feel this way.
Are you avoiding your feelings and taking them out on your relationships.
When you are not acknowledging your feelings, you can perceive that your partner is causing your pain, so the relationship becomes difficult to tolerate. It becomes hard to see the positive aspects in your relationship if it stirs up underlying pain. It can even distort how you see your partner, often seeing them as the person who is responsible for your pain.
In this way it can feel that the only way the relationship can improve is if they change or make it up to you. So, you want them to put more effort into the relationship in the hope you feel better.
Focusing on how they can change distracts you from what you are really feeling deep down. Hence, wanting them to make it up to you can prevent you from feeling self-love.
By inflicting our hurt feelings onto our partner, we attempt to help them understand how we feel, but it usually causes the partner to withdraw, rather than understand how we feel.
How to stop supressing your emotions and express them
Once we can work deeply on ourselves, then we do not project our wounds onto our partners and want them to make up for it. In this way we can give our relationship the best chance of surviving and thriving.
As long as we avoid our feelings by attempting to get our partner to make us feel better, we continue to stay stuck in our feelings and re-live them, until they are re-processed and worked though with Counselling.
The only way we can really have a wholesome and strong connection, is if we deal with our feelings, so we can feel better within ourselves. In this way, our feelings do not impact how we feel in our relationships, so they will not impact on the way we see our relationships.
Learn to get in touch with your emotions rather than push your feelings down, by ignoring your emotions.
The more we make others responsible for our feelings, then we do not address them. This causes our underlying emotions to hurt our relationships, by clouding the way we feel about our partner.
Knowing how our partner can trigger feelings within us can help us to see our relationships more clearly, allowing us to recognize what feelings belongs within us and what feelings are caused by others.
Our Couples Counselling in Melbourne can assist couples to understand their underlying feelings. This allows them to express how they feel in a way that gets heard and brings their partner closer toward them, rather than push them away by causing them to feel attacked for the way they feel.
Couples therapy de-escalates the conflict, making it safe for the couple to raise all kinds of issues. By diffusing blame and other defensive behaviour, the couple feel more comfortable opening up and hearing each other. Overtime, the defensive patterns are replaced with more attuned ways of understanding each other. Marriage Guidance Counselling allows each partner to sense and feel each other’s emotions and respond to them, rather than being scared of being blamed for them.
Our Counselling Melbourne services provides counselling for individuals with relationship difficulties.
Specialised in attachment trauma from the International Masterson Institute in NY, Nancy Carbone offers relationship counselling for individuals who relive attachment trauma. If you want to overcome emotional difficulties contact Nancy or sign up on her newsletter for free advice and tips
For enquiries call 0449 861147
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