Overcome Self Destructive Behaviours

 self destructive behaviours

Are self destructive behaviours destroying your life? Find out how to overcome self destructive behaviours. Those with self destructive behaviours or self defeating personalities are those who constantly do things that sabotage themselves or work against themselves, because it gives them instant pleasure and escapes unwanted feelings. Many resort to self destructive behaviour to feel instant relief from painful feelings and escape facing problems.


Common self destructive behaviours

  • Sexual promiscuity, sexual addictions, affairs or sexual acting out
  • Drug and alcohol intoxication, bring drinking and other addictions
  • Self harming
  • Violence or revenge
  • Ignoring the warning signs of abuse and putting up with abuse
  • Pleasing others at the cost of themselves
  • Avoiding to raise issues or things that hurt you to protect the relationship
  • Lack of boundaries, avoiding to set limits, inability to say no
  • Procrastination, avoidance of issues and denial of facing reality
  • Avoiding to take responsibility for ourselves, staying helpless and dependent
  • Unable to express yourself, to keep others happy
  • Making excuses for our behaviour to get away with it, rather than learn from the situation
  • Blaming others for how we feel and avoiding to face the situation

Many with self destructive behaviours resort to seeking comforts or addictions as a way to seek instant pleasure and escaping the pain inside. They find self destructive ways to feel good in the moment, to deny facing the painful reality of facing life or dealing with life stressors.

Some constantly cause themselves to suffer or become mistreated, because they want to feel loved and escape the loneliness, often putting up with situations that are destructive towards themselves. They ignore opportunities that lead to their success or happiness, since they don’t believe they deserve this and feel worthless,  so they act in accordance with how they feel, treating themselves badly.Many with self destructive behaviours sacrifice themselves in an abusive partner with narcissistic personality disorder, to avoid the fear of abandonment. The more invested in making others happy or pleasing them. Yet they constantly end up feeling angry or resentful when  they let others take advantage of them,  feeling used or abused. So their efforts to feel good enough work become self destructive. They constantly feel victimised and defeated. Often they sacrificed themselves by giving up everything  to get the love from their partner. So they are overly invested in others and not themselves.  They do not register their self or what they need.  So they do not go for what will enhance their life.

Those with self destructive behaviours never felt good when focusing on themselves, bettering themselves. Often they were punished or abandoned for focusing on themselves; meanwhile they were rewarded for regression, when giving up themselves by pleasing the mother by focusing on her needs.  This pervasive self defeating pattern, of getting love when focusing on others needs, occurs throughout their adult relationships. They lack the internal backbone  push themselves to achieve tasks and complete things. So they often give up, leave their job.  They are not in touch with their anger when they need to be, so they often do things that benefit others not themselves and  then act aggressive when they’ve had enough, feeling mistreated.

Masochistic Self Destructive Behaviour

Those with self destructive behaviour struggle with asserting their rights, needs, standing up for themselves or having boundaries. They that fear conflict will offend others and cause them to be abandoned, so they avoiding raising issues. Often acting self sacrificial, a martyr, being  passive or submissive, they do not  know what they want or need. So they accommodate others, even if it works against them. They enable themselves to become mistreated, used or put up with things they shouldn’t.

self destructive behaviour

Many with self destructive behaviours lose themselves,  when they let others take control of their life.  Often denial and avoidance keeps them from taking responsibility. The more that they avoid managing their life, the further that they regress and spiral downwards in self destruction and chaos. So they  escape by using drugs, alcohol, acting reckless, self harm, sexual acting out, infidelity or become suicidal. In therapy all of these self destructive  acting  out behaviours need to be eliminated to get to their real self.

Masochistic, dependent, borderline or self defeating personalities suffer a lack of sense of self or belief in themselves. Instead of investing in themselves, they invest too much in pleasing others. They will help others and fail to help themselves. Becoming masochistic, they often sacrifice themselves, put up with suffering and staying in crisis because it keeps them feeling loved. Many get secondary gains or feel rewarded in crisis when others rescue by showing they care. In relationships they look for the perfect care taker, who can look after them, rather then take care of their self.

self destruction

They hope to feel good in unhealthy relationships, since this is when they felt loved or wanted as a child, so  they feel good in self destructive behaviours. Yet, having attention or help means they get rewarded for being in crisis and staying helpless, so they regress further. Often others will offer to help and their attempts to help are ignored. Yet, they masochistically get pleasure from suffering and enjoy others worrying and showing they care. So they get a lot of secondary gain and a lot of support during crisis, but do nothing about helping themselves. . In fact, others rescuing them or offering support, often keeps them suck in dependency relationships, where they fail to self activate for themselves  Self defeating disorders complain a lot but do nothing to change their situations. They like the support from others,  but reject their help and advice, by choosing to stay stuck, then do things to get out of crisis. So they sabotage themselves from getting better. Eventually, others give up on them,  get angry or furious at them, when they become too hard to deal with. It becomes exhausting to constantly be helping those who will not help themselves. So self defeating personalities constantly face abandonment, and think people do not care, not seeing how they push people away and sabotage relationships.

Yet, when life improves or they get better from self activating, they do not feel good about themselves, feeling bad, guilty or abandoned and will sabotage themselves, so they get worse. They will avoid therapy or make it difficult for them to attend, so they do not get better. They do not realise they can actually have real satisfaction from investing in helping themselves, where they can acquire healthy self esteem, self respect and foster healthier relationships. Yet, this means that counselling these self defeating patients is about bringing into their awareness the denial of their regressive self destructive behaviour. Attending counselling Melbourne is not about rewarding their regression, but confronting their acting out behaviours, so they can see the cost to their actual life, and getting them to own their behaviour and take responsibility for it.  Unlike other counsellors, Nancy Carbone, does not get caught into their regressive pull to get drawn into the crisis, but assists to mobilize their actual self, so they can pull themselves out of misery and despair by facing their situation that causes them unease. Many therapists get pulled into giving into them, so the patient feels good but never gets better. Masterson psychotherapy does the opposite, the therapist does not get drawn into rewarding their regressive behaviour.

How to overcome self destructive behaviour

self destructive behaviourAt counselling in Melbourne find out how to overcome self destructive behaviours, by resolving underlying pain and building the inner strength to overcome problems. Overcome self destructive acting out by dealing with the underlying feelings and deal with life. Nancy also assists those with borderline personality disorder acting out disorders to  take control of their own life, rather than investing in others and expecting them to reward them for their efforts, which actually contributes to their own self destruction and prevents them progressing.  They do not see how they sabotage themselves and feel helpless to change their life. They need a strong therapist who does not get drawn into the acting out behaviours,  who will not back down or give up on them,  but offer them support for their self t fully flourish and take control of their lives..

The therapy provides the backbone for building the foundations of the self. As an active therapist, Nancy assists to manage the painful affects that come with facing abandonment and feeling bad when focusing on themselves, so they do not get swept back into the regressive patterns of expecting reward from regression or giving up on themselves. Providing personality disorder treatment, Nancy resists the regressive pulls to avoid facing their self, that get in the way from mobilising the self.  Once the resistance is out of the way, the individual is free to work on areas in their own life, which foster self enhancement and improvement.

If you feel self defeating,  Contact Nancy on 0449 861 147 or use the enquiry form below:




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