How To Get Over Unrequited Love Or One-Sided Relationship
If you’ve ever passionately loved someone who didn’t love you back, then you understand the pain of getting over unrequited love. You can stay stuck in a loveless relationship and not let go to find real love, if you remain in denial about a dead-end relationship. You can prefer the company of a relationship that goes no-where. So, how do you get over unrequited love or a one-sided relationship, when you deeply love that person?
It can be devastating to realise that the person you love does not love you, so it can feel more comfortable to hold onto your hopes and dreams about the relationship.
If they truly love you, they will want you.
Wanting something more and holding onto hope can keep you stuck, because you’ve not accepted the truth to allow yourself to let go of unrequited love.
Not letting go of a one-sided relationship keeps you feeling more alone and rejected, creating more pain when you are stuck there.
Sometimes, it is hard to be honest with the situation. Your hopes and dreams can cause you to believe whatever you want, rather than see the truth.
In order to let go of unrequited love, you must accept the actual truth, that you love someone who is not in love with you, so you can move on with your life.
If the person you love doesn’t actually love you or doesn’t feel anything towards you, then it’s time to let go of your relationship.
You could be flogging a dead horse, by putting effort into a dead-end relationship when the feelings are not reciprocated.
Subconsciously, you can find it hard to let go of a one-sided relationship in order to avoid feelings alone or unwanted. You may stay stuck in a dead relationship as a way to get back the love you longed for in your childhood.
The antidote to letting go of unrequited love is working through these feelings, undoing the patterns from the past, and not holding onto false hope about the relationship.
Why you should let go of loving someone who does not love you
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back diminishes your self-esteem, so you feel worse about yourself, when you look to the other person to feel loved.
You can hold yourself back when you stay stuck in requited love.
You cannot let go of someone who cannot love you for who you are, when you try to make them love you.
Perhaps its time to let go of wanting someone who is not yours anyway. You will be unhappy and feel more alone when your needs do not get met.
If you make your partner your entire focus of your life, you can lose yourself and feel more empty . So, how do you move on from unrequited love?
14 Ways to let go of unrequited love:
- Acknowledge the truth and stop fooling yourself.
If the signs are clear, then do not waste anymore time on someone who is not ready for you.
Acknowledge the reality that the relationship is over.
- Make the decision to let go and stop contact.
It makes it easier to move on if you don’t see their feeds on social media and not hear from them, so you don’t get drawn back. It can take you back into hoping for something that is not there.
Having constant reminders about your ex-partner can hold you back in the past, and prevent you from moving on with your life.
Seeing them on social media can make you feel worse. If you see them move on with someone else, it can hold you back from building your confidence and prevent you from moving on yourself.
- Stop going backwards by reminding yourself of past memories together, re-living your hopes or dreams.
Manage the temptations of holding on to your ex-lover, by not getting drawn into false hope to rid yourself of feeling alone.
- Feel the pain and loss.
Allow yourself to sit with the feelings and acknowledge them, so you can naturally allow yourself to grieve and let go.
Denying your feelings or staying stuck in anger can keep you from moving on, by holding on to your ex-lover.
- Do not get caught in self-blame or wallowing in self-pity.
Instead of berating yourself for your part in any mistakes, learn from the part you played in the relationship, so you can heal your actual ‘self’ in order to break the cycle of repeating patterns.
- Letting go means breaking up with your past.
Sometimes letting go of an ex-lover requires breaking up from your past patterns to effectively break the cycle
Work through the loss and underlying feelings in order to undo the past patterns so they do not repeat themselves.
7 . Manage the temptation to go back or message your ex-partner
Take your focus off your ex-partner with healthy distractions (exercise, visit a friend)
Remind yourself how destructive it is to hold onto a dead-end relationship that goes nowhere. Tell yourself what you will miss out on if you go back.
- Remind yourself of the gains instead of the losses
When you catch yourself looking back at the relationship, remind yourself how holding on to requited love actually stops you from moving on with your life and finding real love.
- Focus on yourself.
Get in touch with your ‘self’, by exploring your goals, outlets, friends and pursuits.
Make your ‘self’ the focal point for your happiness, not a relationship.
Rebuild a life for yourself, rather than make your happiness reliant on a relationship that gives you nothing. Build a stronger platform for yourself, rather than putting your self-worth in the hands of others.
- Give yourself natural space and time to let go.
Allow yourself the time to process your emotions, reflect on your relationship, heal and learn from it, so you do not repeat the pattern.
- Avoid escaping the pain with impulsive behaviours
Be careful about seeking instant comfort with drinking or moving on to partners too quickly, to avoid your feelings.
Its not healthy to jump straight into another relationship to escape the abandonment feelings.
- Avoid texting when you are drunk to fill the empty void of loneliness.
You could be acting-out to rid yourself of your feelings, which can keep you stuck in grief and further hold you back.
- Master self-love
Maybe it’s’ time to look at why you do not love yourself and seek love in others in the hope of feeling good about yourself. This pattern can cause you to stay in relationships longer than their use by date.
Embrace things that make you love your life and give back to yourself, before you give yourself up for others.
- Embrace Real love. Discover your self-value and what you want from a relationship, and when you are truly ready go out there and get the relationship that you truly deserve – with caution.
These are the 14 stages to get over unrequited love.
You can’t force the horse to drink the water. The horse has to want to drink the water. Similarly, you can’t force someone to love you. So, why do you want them, if they do not want you, anyway?
If they do not love you for the person that you are, why do you love them?
Maybe you are wanting to fill the lonely void within yourself and fear being alone.
When you want someone who does not love you back, you put your happiness in the hands of others.
You can hold yourself back in a dead-end relationship that goes no-where, staying stuck in denial in order to avoid the dreaded feelings of not being good enough and fear of being alone.
If you let go of one-sided love, you can allow real love to enter your life and move on with your actual life, when you start giving love back to yourself. Break free from unrequited love so you can go for what you really want, and obtain real love in your life.
Love comes when you love yourself and feel deserving of finding real love in your life, rather than settling for someone to escape the void within yourself. If you do not let go of unrequited love then you can not make room for real love to enter your life.
Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist works with those to assist them to let go of unrequited love. To contact Nancy, connect with her on her website. You can also follow her on social media for more articles.Back to Blog Home