Ways to communicate in couples counselling

Communication Techniques in raising the issue with your Partner.

Being assertive is an effective technique to communicate your conerns, by  being open and honest, whilist also attuned to your partners feelings at the same time, rather then reactive. At counselling Melbourne, being mindful of how you come accross is an important tactic to assist deliver what you want to say, so you get heard or a listening response. However, it is difficult to do this when one is caught in hurt or during heated emotions. Instead of talking during a heated fight, find a suitable moment when you are both calm, to avoid communication breakdown

The first communication skill is to raise the issue with your partner – avoid sentences that start with ‘you’ statements’,

Instead begin  sentences with ‘I’  statements’, when you want to raise the issue with your partner

For instance, “I feel hurt when..”

Own your feelings, to avoid attributing that the other made you feel this way.

The skill to communicating is not make the other responsbile for your feelings. This will elicit a defensive reaction in them, since they will feel blamed and not hear what you are saying or understand you.

Another method to express your self is avoid making  judgements or labelling the others behaviour.  Your partner will stop listening at this point and this evokes a  similar defensive reaction in them.

Instead try talking by stating facts or observations about your concerns about your partner. This will help them see their actual behaviour and understand you, when you want to raise the issue with your partner.

When you want to raise the issue with your partner, Avoid saying:    “you did this to me”

For instance, “ I noticed when you said….I felt hurt”. This is a more effective communication strategy to raise the issue with your partner.

Relationship Counselling for communication strategies


For details to raise the issue with your parnter, call: 0449 861 147 or use the  enquiry form page Here

To raise the isse with your partner, visit Counselling in Melbourne.  Contact Nancy on 0449 861 147 or visit

Nancy Carbone
Couples therapy


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